Trigger Warning: This blog post discusses strained parental relationships, grief and death.
Hey Ladies,
How are you guys? I hope you guys are well, so much has happened since we last spoke. I became a mom of a four year old who is giving me a run for my money. Brooklyn has so much personality is frightening, because I am struggling to keep up. Last week she asked me, why am I always with her. I had to tell her it’[s actually the other way around, and she’s with me. She’s too much. As Brooklyn gets older and learns more about her family dynamics she’s been asking so many questions; specifically about her grandparents. Brooklyn and my mother are extremely close; she’s probably her favorite person. So naturally she’s inquired about her grandfather and who he is/was.
my dad + Ali
Grief has been a common theme in my life for over a decade now, starting in my late teens with the loss of my father in 2008. Prior to the last year of my dad’s life our relationship had been strained for quite some time and for the longest I held on to the regret of that because naturally, I wished that my resentment wasn’t so present that I allowed so much time to pass without communicating with him. However with maturity and growth and many conversations with my father in his last months, I received a lot of closure. One thing I learned that sticks with me until this day is that our parents are who they are before they become our parents. Often as children we hold our parents on this pedestal of high expectations that when they aren’t what we think they should be it breeds disappointment and resentment. My father’s traumas, fears, goals, dreams, ideals did not dissipate when he became my father. They were still very much present and it was a factor in our relationship during my early teens. I would ask my mom why her and my father were not together when I was a kid, or simple questions like “why does he curse so much” lol and she would simply respond with “just keep living”. In my father’s death, so many more truths about him have been revealed, and I often wish he was here so I can get answers to so many questions. That’s the thing about death in the physical it’s so final. Although it’s the only guarantee in life, we are so deeply unprepared for it.
So, in June after servicing my client the production elite, Africa, she offered me a ticket and plus one to Marlon Wayans’ Good Grief movie premiere for Amazon. It was a comedy special about the death of both of his parents within a year time frame and all the things he learned during that process and after. I’ll discuss how finding a plus one was quite the task. None of my close circle is entrepreneurs and many industry events take place in the middle of the day or late at night so finding someone last minute to come with me to events is always a hard task. I hate that for me. Any who, I end up driving into the city and having a blast. No one wants to be in the club where you experience parental loss, it’s corny here; grief shows up any and everywhere, no matter how much time has past. But the special was a great release for me. To be able to laugh at things that only those in the club would understand and get. However my plus one still has both of her parents and she laughed just as hard as me. Everyone in attendance was laughing from the gut. The special was phenomenal, and if you haven’t taken the time to watch it, and need a good laugh about some deep shit, head on over to Amazon prime and click that play button. Marlon is brilliant in this comedy special and I can’t wait to see what’s next. To be able to turn pain into purpose is not an easy feat.
Me + the beautiful Africa (face beat by me) + My girl Amanda (my plus one)
Me + Amanda waiting for the premiere to start
Explaining to Brooklyn who her grandfather was, the golden glove champion, Black Nationalist, who was friends with Muhammad Ali and Malcolm X, has her thoroughly impressed. I love that for her. Her grandfather was literally one of a kind, and as much I miss him in the physical, I know he’s showing up for me in the spiritual too.
Have an amazing Wednesday,
Jessica Elizabeth
Barry’s Daughter
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